This was all such a mistake and now we're stuck

Sean is NOT doing well at school. Not at all. I've gotten numerous emails and now I have to meet with his teacher and counselor. I'm terrified they are going to move him to a special class due to his emotional issues. Everything was working at his old school so I'm heartbroken we moved him. It wasn't necessary since Mike had a job and was making plenty of money--he was just gone most of the time but at least we were somewhere where things worked.

We changed Sean's meds before we moved and thought that was the problem but now he's back on an old medicine and he still got out of control. I'm worried about that. I'm worried about his sadness, his desire not to do homework and how the other kids perceive him. I don't know how to deal with it and to be honest I don't want to. I just want to go home where things worked.

I'm sure it's not helping that I don't want to not live in Texas. I know that makes no sense but I think I would deal with it better if we were still in my home state. I'm so sad and I don't know if it's affecting the boys or not. They are both unhappy. Connor asks daily when we can go home to San Antonio. He doesn't want to do fun things, go to his school in the fall, or even go to camp at the gym. He just wants to stay home then ask me about going back to SA. I thought this was God's plan when our house sold so easily but now I just don't know. I hate to see Sean suffer and since I'm miserable myself it just makes it so much worse.

Living in a Foreign Land

Well, I've officially done it. It all falls down to my decision to let Mike go to that interview in North Carolina. If I hadn't been so darn fed up of sitting in traffic just to get into my neighborhood. Or if we weren't facing the task of finding a new church while running into people from our old church and facing awkward moments. If I hadn't always somehow equated my front room to my mother's death--even though she only stayed one night and actually died in the hosptial. If all those factors hadn't come into play I'd still be living my easily predictable life in San Antonio. But no, I had to grab the moment and do something I'd never done before, allow the possibility of leaving Texas.

I'm here now and it doesn't seem overly inhospitable. I admit the fact that there are more yankees living here than Carolinians is taking a bit of getting used to. North Carolina was the absolute north-most location I was willing to consider. Little did I know they had already all come down here :-)

I admit I feel myself pulling inward. My allergies are out of control, I can't find anything because these people actually believe in tree ordinances, and I still can't believe I don't live in Texas. I know for non-Texans that sounds silly but it's just not something I'd ever thought I'd consider. I know I need to get out of the house and meet people but it just all seems so hard somehow.

Last week I sent the boys to camp at the gym so I was out of the house and exercising--plus searching for curtains, apparently in NC the people strip the windows down the the super-cheap plastic miniblinds when they leave. This week I just want to lay down. Maybe it's the perpetual headache or the stress of having to set everything up again--utilities, tv, internet, the HOUSE! Tomorrow we close on the house. I'm hoping once I can paint the pastel walls and thus get to the point of unpacking everything I will feel more like venturing out!